ASSERTIVENESS: THE LEADERSHIP PRESENCE WITH OPENESS AND RESPECT!

By Tengku Indra

Joe works at the national oil company as a Geophysicist most of the time in an offshore platform. The company is considering a managerial promotion for Joe having been a technical specialist for more than six years. Recently Joe has been spending a lot more time interacting with foreign managers at the head office where the company has joint-venture operations with several foreign petroleum companies.

On one occasion, Joe met with Al, an experienced Business Manager of a European joint-venture company to have an initial discussion on the termination of an offshore joint-project. During the meeting Al, whom Joe met for the first time, was very explicit and specific in his views about the long-term implications of the project termination. He was very expressive in his explanations and showed a lot of confidence in putting forward his proposals and rationale. In short, Al was rather assertive and yet positive.

On the other hand, Joe felt very uncomfortable to openly put across his views and hesitated on many occasions to be frank on how he felt about the opinions expressed by Al. Joe, felt that he could have advanced many relevant points to influence Al but he could not. He was rather passive while struggling not to turn negative during the discussion especially when they both hit differences in opinions.

HABIT OF NON-ASSERTIVENESS

Joe’s behaviour is typical of many technical managers making the transition to become more polished on commercial matters and dealing with joint-venture managers.

Usually when people in our culture behave non-assertively, they do it out of fear or lack of confidence. They tend to think that they may be   labelled “pushy” if they were to openly articulate their views. This behaviour is often shown when we hear those making statements such as:

 “If I say ‘NO, ’the other person might get hurt.” So these people tend to preface by labelling their statements with remarks such as ‘I mean,’ ‘You know.’ Or even to the extent of being apologetic by saying “This is my two-cent worth of opinion; you may disagree with it. It’s really up to you!”

The statements clearly convey the message that the non-assertive people such as Joe lacks self-confidence and may be even self-esteem. In our Malaysian context, it is even discouraging to hear these people rationalizing that it is not a Malaysian culture to be assertive. They sound like they are being held hostage by this kind of thinking. It becomes easy for very assertive people to take advantage of people who are non-assertive.

This mind-set needs to be removed!

ASSERTIVENESS VS AGGRESSIVENESS

Effective leaders are people who not only display graciousness but also assertiveness when the situation calls for. Joe for instance needs to show the ability and willingness to use his energy to influence Al by being candid and yet positive in his communication style. Assertiveness is about displaying our presence when dealing with others as a leader in an open and respectful manner.

Leaders need to behave in a constructive manner demonstrating authenticity and humility on how they feel and what they think.

In this regard, being assertive is different from being aggressive.

Aggressive behaviour is when people only care about satisfying their demands in such a way they ignore the rights of the others. They may even be acting rather arrogantly and show disrespect toward others. Aggressiveness is a destructive behaviour.

ASSERTIVENESS IS ABOUT EXERCISING OUR RIGHTS

When Leaders behave assertively, they are actually standing up for their rights in a way that does not violate the rights of others. Joe needs to learn that for him to be respected by Al and taken seriously, he needs to be equally assertive too. Making strong demands and stating expectations wherever needed without sounding curt or harsh and being able to say “No” wherever possible without sounding unreasonable, are all the assertive skills Joe needs to display.

Assertiveness is therefore anchored on the belief that the leader has needs to be met and so do others. Effective leaders demonstrate the ability to influence others through assertion to get what they want while respecting the needs and rights of the people they deal with.

SKILL-SETS OF ASSERTIVENESS

In our practice mentoring and coaching leaders on being assertive, we find that there are four key traits leaders need to display when making an assertion.

1.   They are very clear, succinct and specific whenever they make any suggestion, proposition or recommendation.

2.   They are courageous and willing to state clearly and precisely their expectations on other others and work very hard at understanding what the other person wants from them.

3.   They are not afraid in asking for something in return when they have to give something away.

4.   They are very precise in putting across undisputable reasons to support their arguments and guard against diluting their persuasion power by not putting across too many weak reasons.

In short, assertive leaders believe in the power of putting across their arguments in a repetitive manner to make their presence felt while at the same time remaining gracious.

Winston Churchill, ex-Prime Minister of Great Briton once remarked, “If you have an important point to make, don’t try to be subtle or clever. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit again. Then hit the third time - a tremendous whack.”