GRACIOUSNESS IN BUSINESS: EVERY LEADER’S CHALLENGE
By Tengku Indra
Recently I had breakfast at a hotel in downtown Kuala Lumpur.
As I was about to reach the buffet spread, I almost crossed the path of a Japanese-looking gentleman, presumably a business person, as he was dressed in suit and tie.
We both stopped walking to avoid bumping into each other and politely gave each other the right of way by the show of our hand gestures. The man smiled and said “Hai!” Instead of walking past in front of me, the man proceeded to walk behind me as he carried his plate of toasted bread.
Habit of Graciousness
Completely amazed by the gentleman’s gracious habit, I later approached him at his table to understand his unique behaviour. “OH, we must always show the respect to our elders and strangers. In Japanese culture it is called “KOKORO,” he clearly voiced up in response to my curiosity.
In the book The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg quoted William James who wrote in 1892, “All our life, so far as it has definite form, is but a mass of habits. “I believe the Japanese gentleman has been nurtured with such strong values and habits. What more at the end of our short interface and upon exchanging name cards, I realized he was a diplomat – a First Secretary visiting Kuala Lumpur for a meeting.
Lessons Learnt
There are several lessons we can draw from this experience. Being gracious is about taking full ownership of how we conduct ourselves with decorum and respect. It is about the habit of being sensitive to the needs and concerns of the people we come into contact with in business and personal life. Starting the day with a simple greeting or “Salam” (in our Malaysian context) to the first person we meet in the lift or office, goes a long way to make us feel good with a strong sense of connectivity. It is the personal human touch that matters most in mutually developing the “Emotional Bank Account” as described by the writer Steven Covey.
Graciousness entails the use of appropriate words when we communicate, strong eye-contact, and display of positive body language and the expression of gratitude to the person we deal with. A simple “Thank You” or “Excuse me” is all it takes to show respect and kindness towards others. A friend of mine who used to be the CEO of a European Retail Supermarket in Malaysia and Singapore once asserted to his Managers at a Leadership Conference of his top 100 Leaders, “It’s never enough to say ‘Thank You’. Get into this habit!”
Our Challenge as Leaders
In Malaysia, we exist harmoniously across diverse cultures accepting differences in the way we conduct our businesses. Generally speaking we do display such graciousness in our daily life, perhaps not to the extent displayed by the Japanese diplomat.
“Budi Pekerti” or the virtues of graciousness is very much embedded in the Malay culture and for a long time it has been a strong Malaysian identity. We need to re-brand ourselves and make “Budi Pekerti” a brand we can leverage on not only in our personal life but also in business.
A Malaysian Sociologist on “Budi Pekerti Values” Dr. Lim Kim Hui in a lecture some years ago in Singapore said, “Nowadays, courtesy might be considered old-fashioned because modern means of communication are more precise and concise. Courteousness, good manners and civility have gradually become a rarity including in schools and universities. With such a background, it will be a challenge for teachers to teach “Budi Pekerti.”
In business, as leaders, we need to take this challenge of restoring and re-branding this virtues of graciousness or “Budi Pekerti” to become our national identity.
Winning in business is one thing, but being gracious is everything!